While you can’t control your abuser’s actions or behaviour, you can take steps to help keep yourself and your family safe.

Tell someone

Let someone you trust, like a close friend or family member, know what is going on. They will be able to keep an eye on you and can agree on a safe word you can use to let them know you are not ok. 

Make a plan for what they’d do if you use the safe word or phrase, like calling the police. They may also be able to provide a safe place to go to in an emergency.

Plan for an emergency

Are there other people you can turn to? Have their numbers on speed dial and your phone fully charged and close to hand so that you can reach them in an emergency. Ask trusted neighbours to dial 999 if they hear a disturbance.

If you are in an emergency and you can’t leave, block yourself in the safest room and dial 999.

Teach your children how to get help

Teach your children how to dial 999 in an emergency and to give their name and address to the emergency services.

If you feel that an argument is about to happen…

Try to speak calmly and to move to a room with a clear exit. Avoid kitchens or tool sheds where sharp objects could be used as weapons and try to hide any fear.

If possible keep a safe distance from your abuser and if you have to escape make sure you have a safe place to go to.

Be ready to leave in an emergency

If you feel you are in a situation where leaving is the best option, try to take the following items. It can be useful to keep these in one place where you can get to them quickly if you need to leave in a hurry:

• Money
• Bank/credit cards
• ID documents
• Keys (house/car)
• Medication
• Clothes and toys for children

You might also consider packing:

• Social security cards and court orders
• House deeds (agreements/payment books/insurance certificates)
• Birth certificate/s
• Photographs
• Jewellery or any other items of sentimental value

This is just a guide. VOICES are happy to talk through an individual safety plan with you.

If you think an ex-partner might return…

If you’re concerned an ex-partner who no longer lives with you may return, taking steps to improve security might make you feel safer:

• Change the locks
• Keep doors locked and take the keys out
• Make sure your window locks work
• Have smoke detectors fitted (and make sure you know where to find your door keys in case they’re activated)
• Have a door viewer fitted if you can
• Install a strong, robust door chain 
• Consider having an alarm system fitted, which can include a panic device.